_very_ good weekend (longest update thus far? ;))
Mood:
a-ok
Now Playing: Holiday (Slow it Down) - The Watchmen
heh...Ben! You got me! : ) you were sneaky. I will devote an entry to that sometime (within the next week/soon) following this one..
*waves* Hi! I'm still here and ok : ) just a little FYI ; )
Whoa with the updateness....here we go! It's L-O-N-G, so you may want to read a paragraph at a time then return every once in a while!
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Let's go through the main things that are up:
1. Family:Seems like we're doing well. I've started (not scheduled/on purpose) phoning my Mom nearly everyday. Just to talk about what's going on with her day. It's pretty nice, though it can get boring at times...i mean when we talk so much, there's not much new everyday sometimes : ) but that's ok. I like talking with my Mom, I think it makes both of us feel better. And my Parents & Brother have been really really really really really really really really supportive of me this term given the good luck (see below) at school. They were pretty proud of me and have told me so and it makes me feel really good to be able to make them proud to the point where they actually tell me so and i believe it. It's just been so long since it's been like that I feel.
Plans for next weekend: dinner with my Parents & Brother on Friday night then
The Royal Winter Fair Love the Royal...it's so nice...horses and cows and sheep and lots of nice stuff.
2. School: OH yes! : ) Not that it was particularly particularly particularly difficult given the class average of 78%, but I finally did well on a midterm! *awesome feelings* and just for a lil' extra ego boost....I got one percent higher than the class avg! woot! (<--i'm not quite sure what that means, but i see people write it alot and it seems to be some sort of "wooohooo!") : ) so that is very good.
Although, I have yet to receive the rest of my midterm scores back and I'm pretty certain that I did perform poorly in some of them unfortunately
due to a lack of preparation on my part.
An arguably great thing about my program is that we've got co-op set up to be part of our academic careers, rotations every four months....so! As per my last entry, I feel as though I did sufficiently well in attracting employers to interview me (7 total, i think...) which is AWESOME since it seemed challenging to even get an interview last term. And, and, and, and, and! I got 3 offers and was ranked for all of the jobs except one, which I stupidly screwed up the interview for. *doofus* but I ended up getting the job I wanted! thank goodness! So, during the winter term (January 2006 to April 2006) I will be a co-op student
here:ok....i think that's all i've got wrt school stuff...
3. Friends:Things are going alright. I really like to be able to rely, at least to some degree, on people that I call friends. If they weren't in my life in some way, I wouldn't have any expectations of them...which is perhaps not such a good thing, but I kind of thing of that as the reason that people are friends....obviously they get along most times very well, but they are also able to rely on one another to some degree.
One of my friends, that I've had my doubts about in the past, whom also happens to be one of my few female friends, has been really really really nice to me in the recent weeks. Honestly, I'm really thankful for her ability to deal with me being a scardy-cat. ; ) Despite some of my insecurities being about stuff that are selfish sometimes, she still prevailed and was awesome. I was pleasantly surprised as I hadn't, in a long time, felt that this was possible with this girl. I think that she's gaining more confidence perhaps? I hope so, she'd be super-duper-unstoppable-awesome if she were.
Another friend...the one that I'd thought our friendship had been crappy due to the lack of communication of any sort and was back on the upswing and now...i've decided is/was on the downswing. It's just uncomfortable for me to talk to him sometimes. I can't even look at him sometimes....I think I'm intimidated by him...like he might suddenly turn mean/careless. It seems he's become unreliable...which is perhaps what he wants...perhaps he doesn't want others to be able to rely on him, which is odd, since i distinctly remember him telling me once that he likes when his friends are able to rely on him...I think a lot of this has to do with me...and perhaps that I've changed....or at least towards him....he just doesn't seem to me as that close of a genuine friend anymore and i've most certainly lost some trust in him...actually, i don't think that i do trust him that much at all, which makes me question the value of this so-called-friendship. gah.
Another two friends have switched to another stream of our program, meaning that they are still (will end their co-op in Dec/05 when they started it May/05) on co-op and will return to school in January while our class is on co-op. I miss them both a lot since we used to study together almost EVERY night together...now i've got no one really to study with. I study alone again. But I'm happy for them, since I know they like their jobs and will be happiest continuing their co-ops. They're doing some pretty cool stuff.
One of the two above mentioned friends has also opted to switch out of engineering all together...which came as a shock to me, but makes sense in retrospect. He really didn't like this program and has made a strong decision about it that will inevitably only take a couple more years and make him more than a couple more years happier! :)
Two cool friends, nothing much new to update with them. They are consistently some of the nicest people in my life. We tend to get along pretty well and as such, spending time with them is nearly always fun. They are cool :)
One of my other friends, who is doing an intra-national ;) exchange to her home province is doing well I think...she's needed this and i'm really proud that she made this very big decision on her own. She's really capable of great things. I haven't talked with her in a bit, but she's, honestly, one of the most genuinely nice people that I know. She just freaks out every now and then ;) but it's cool, I miss her lots and will be sending her a birthday card this week hopefully.
4. Boyfriend: Our relationship, i've found is most stressed when we're away from each other. really. Fortunately/Unfortunately, this is nearly all of the time. It seems that we stress each other out (almost all my fault most of the times...i'll get to that in a bit) so often when we're away from each other. When we're together, it's so much easier to resolve these little things...perhaps...or likely? most of our communication about how we feel is based on our body language, facial expressions, and physical contact. We can be very different intellectually, but when we're together, that doesn't that much. We get a long very well when it's just the two of us. I do love him.
Speaking of that...I told him how I feel...that I love him but am not in love with him right now...he took it hard...there wasn't really any joy in my revealing this to him. _So_ _much_ sadness and disappointment. I'm certain that this still stings...he has made it a goal to make me fall in love with him. I've expressed that although I would like nothing better than to be in love with him, I don't really believe that you can make someone fall in love with you. Maybe it's all the glitz, glamour, and fairy tales that have gotten to me, but I honestly fell as though falling in love should be something natural. Not something to be forced nor actively pursued. In addition, since I have these feelings about the issue, I don't try to force it...that isn't right, in my opinion...there could be terrible consequences. So, he's left trying all by himself...it seems as though he must try so hard to be with me and i don't have to try at all to be with him...maybe i expect too much? I don't know, but I know that I am hard on him...but I just don't know what else to do...I know it's mean, but maybe it shows that we're not meant to be together.....who knows?
I'm not quite sure how this conversation came about, but it did....He told me that if he had the money, he'd be at my door with a ring...I told him to please not...I'm not even sure if I ever want to get married...there's so much more complication that comes with that and really...I just feel too young and definitely lacking in experiencing not so much other relationships (he's my first serious serious boyfriend) but LIFE.
I feel as though I lack experience with life on my own.Despite this all, we had a really great weekend this weekend I think...it was a lot of fun and comforting and safe and nice. He came up for a pre-birthday (his) weekend together. We spent nearly the whole weekend together and I'm grateful for every second that we were together. It was just really really really nice. My boyfriend is comfy and snuggle-y. I loved this weekend since almost all we did was enjoy each other's company and do no work ;) it was really nice.
5. Other friends: Met up with and chatted with an old friend/one-time-boyfriend the other week...gosh...I'd thought that he'd gone to some other university, but turns out he's back here and I saw him at the co-op building and he didn't say hi, so I msn'd him to ask if he was back. Anyways, it was nice and I'm really glad to hear that he's doing well.
Scolded another friend....then appologized for it a couple of days later...I'm just so sick of hearing of young workers getting hurt on the job and I found his attitude towards his injury quite stupid. Backs can't be replaced. Spinal cords and back muscles have so much opportunity to get hurt somewhere selse, don't let a job be the cause...gosh...i just don't think it's worth it....but maybe that's just my opinion since i've never had a strong need to make a money to get by. I'm thankful for that, but perhaps that's why I can't understand why someone would want to risk their health for a job. I don't care much about the pride factor. From the
limited experiences that myself and my friends have had, few people at work will stick up for a (co-op) student worker. Given the short time we'll be working there and junior positions that we hold, there exists near to zero incentive for them to stick their necks out for us to say..."Hey, that's not cool. There's something wrong with that." This is disheartening, but maybe it is up to us to learn to take that same risk and speak up for ourselves. We are adults in the eyes of the law, but so many of us aren't truly grown-up. We're still in the process.
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Ok, I think that's the end of it for now...I'm done writing for a bit, and will be back soon, I hope...it's just so busy this time of year with the midterms and interviews and then a slight break and then finals! ohmygosh...
*momentary freak out* ;) ok, i'm alright :)
ttyl,
lwac
P.S. oh, and my music has changed so much since I started writing this! yikes!
Posted by livingwithoutaclue
at 2:03 AM EST
Updated: Monday, 7 November 2005 2:48 AM EST
down
bright
happy
lazy
quizzical
not sure